My Final Death Note
by Azura Rayume
Summary: Based on what happened on Halloween. -was Light for Halloween- Basically, Light did something stupid... trying to write on a scrap of Death Note.., and L caught him. Now he's in prison, feeling sorry for himself.
1. Prologue: End

Well, that has got to be the dumbest move I've ever made. How could I, the one who evaded capture for so long, have let something so trivial get me caught? I've asked myself that question who knows how many times over the past few hours in this decrepit cell I'm to remain in until those vile men outside decide that it's my turn to die and have come to only one conclusion: I trusted him too much.

I guess trust is, more often than not, the downfall of many a great scheme. I must have managed to stay out of this place so long because I didn't really trust anyone. Not Misa, though she thought I did. Not Takada, no matter how many times I told her I did. And definitely not Mikami... Don't even get me started on how that idiot fled the Kanto region not long before my capture. He would be my ticket out of here if he'd only stayed in one place long enough... How he managed to time his leave perfectly, I may never know.

Well, I've got plenty of time for brooding. After all, when you've killed as many people as I have in nearly every country in the world, you've got all the time in the world until you're killed. I know my death will probably be painful, considering the only two options are electrocution (which might not kill me after all... I'd hate to think that...) or a slow poisoning by lethal injection. I'd rather Kira be the one to off me, but he can't. Considering the fact that he's me.

Isn't that lovely? Kira, world-renowned murdered of criminals and publicly proclaimed god and savior, is sitting in a prison not unlike the ones many of his victims died in. I bet one of them keeled over right on this spot, possibly more. A bit of an uncanny coincidence.

I bet L's happy for that one...

I guess it would be best to get on with my story, rather than lamenting my fate or cursing L and those Wammy's kids. After all, it's my own fault I'm here.

I've decided to call this my last Death Note. A bit of a fitting title, don't you think? Considering the fact that it was that damned notebook that started all this trouble.

It took me a while to actually decide on how to tell this. I was originally going to tell my entire story, but I soon grw bored. That attempt would account for about half of the crumpled papers that little the floor in here. I then tried starting with the addition of B and the other Wammy's kinds. That would be the other half of the mess.

I finally landed on the ubject of my arrest and what happened shortly afterword. That was only a few short hours ago, although it seems so much longer to me...


	2. Chapter 1: Mistake

The whole ordeal must have started months before now. I found myself dropping hints about my identity as Kira without meaning. Many times, it was only in front of people like Matsuda, so I didn't notice at first because he never caught on.

But L did.

He would shoot me odd glances on occasion after I would say something about the case. I could tell he was starting to suspect me more and more as the days wore on. I eventually realized that I was the reason he seemed to always be drawing closer to arresting me.

It might have been the fact that he was closing in that drove me to take the risks I did. I started making bolder moves than I ever though I would: keeping pieces of Death Note in my pocket instead of the compartment in my watch or wallet; discussing in-depth matters about Shinigami and the like with B while Mello stood a scant ten feet away, knowing the blond would eagerly report back to L.

I think it would have been easier to turn myself in rather than to have played that game for so much longer than necessary.

Oh, well. Too late now.

Now that I can look back, I realize something: every move I made was meant to draw L and the other investigators to the conclusion that I was Kira. It strikes me as odd that I would strive to leave no evidence of myself as Kira for so long only to hand my rival the evidence he would need to convict me.

I guess it really doesn't matter whether I wanted to get caught or not, only the fact that I was.

L won on Halloween.


	3. Chapter 2: Arrest

Everything I had done over the last few months had all been leading up to this moment. My final confontation with L didn't exactly go like I'd expected, but what I wanted to happen is unimportant.

The slip-up that set the whole thing off was pulling that piece of Death Note from my pocket while everyone else stared intently at the computer screen. I thought I had hidden the action well, but I heard a voice behind me when I began to write.

"Raito-kun, what are you doing?"

L.

I spun around clutching that scrap of paper tightly. L was staring at me, his expression that of one betrayed. The others had turned to stare as well, their faces reflecting the same suspicion that I'd seen in L's eyes for so long.

I took a step back, nervous for the first time. I just... snapped. I bolted ofr the door and got as far as the coffee table (I have no earthly idea why it's there) before Mello caught up with me. He tackled me into the table and took the paper I'd been writing on, a satisfied look on his face. He seemed pleased that he'd beaten Near to me, even though he wasn't the one I was giving all this up for.

Somehow, I got away from him. I heard him shout something, I don't know what, but I ignored it, too frantic in my escape to care. I managed to get to the parking garage when Matsuda and B caught me. The next thing I remember is my face hitting the pavement and a rather put-out looking Matsuda sitting on me. He started grumbling about how much of a fool he'd bee to trust me so completely, and I couldn't help but agree.

Footsteps echoed from behind me. I managed to catch a glimps of L, Misa, and Mello, whose grin appeared wider than before. L sat down in front of me, his expression a mixture of curiosoty and anger. Still, he spoke with the same nonchalant tone as usual.

"If I let you up, will you run again?"

I sighed, which probably was a mistake considering the fact that Matsuda was still sitting on me. "More than likely."

"Well, that's a pity." He frowned. "I was hoping to let you stand with some dignity when your father arrives."

"Oh, please," B murmured with an eyeroll. "He never had any dignity to begin with." I glared at him, and he smirked. "Oh, come on! You hid behind a stupid notebook. At least I had the decency to let my victims see me before they died."

I was about to reply when a car pulled up. Shoot... Why did my dad have such horrible timing? I closed my eyes as I heard his door slam, not wanting to see his face.

"What happened?" There was a tinge of excitement in his voice. "I heard you finally caught Kira. Where is he?" L must have pointed at me because my father murmured, "Oh, no..." The eagerness was gone, replaced by a subtle note of horror. "Not Raito... Not my son..."

"Of course it's him," Mello said enthusiastically. Matsuda stood up and I gasped with relief. Someone, probably Mello, pulled me none to gently to my feet. Cold handcuffs snapped around my wrists as if to seal my fate (I can only hope for a different outcome).

I heard someone breathing in my ear. It starteled me, and my eyes flashed open out of surprise. I saw my father's disappointment better than I ever could have guessed, the one thing I didn't want to see right before I was hauled off to prison.

"I'm sorry," L whispered just before Mello pushed me toward my father's squad car.

I dug my heels into the ground. "Wait..." I turned, throwing the blond off balance. "I almost forgot. L, happy birthday." As a rather disgruntled Mello made to slam the door, I swear I saw L smile.


	4. Chapter 3: Visit

I've only had one visitor here, except my memories of course. I didn't expect to see him until my execution date, so I was surprised when he entered my cell.

I had been laying on the floor, hands cuffed behind my back, when the door opened. I thought they might have decided to kill me right then instead of waiting until the day I hadn't even been told. Then I glimpsed his bare feet and the ragged hems of his baggy jeans.

This cerianly wasn't the state I wanted anyone to see me in, let alone him. L, my rival. Ryuzaki, my friend. Was he there to gloat or say he was sorry again?

He just wanted to talk. To have me answer for myself because I wasn't going to get a trial.

"Why?" That's all he wanted to know. Juat a simple "why" that asked so many questions. Why was I Kira? Why had I started killing criminals? Why had I lied to everying, to him? Why had I gotten myself caught?

I just stared at him for a moment. To be honest, I'd half-expected him to kick me, mot ask me why I'd acted as I had. I must have looked rather foolish laying there on the cold floor, so I tried to sit up and failed. That probably didn't help any.

With a sigh, I began to answer.

"A stubborn heart and a misdirected sense of justice, I guess." That was what had driven me to act the way I did. "I was frustrated with a malfuncting law system, so I took matters into my own hands. I lied to you and the rest of the task force to keep out of here. I lied to myself so I would't tell you the truth. And, no matter how much I hate to admit it, I wanted to get caught."

There, I'd said it. I'd secretly wanted this since I wanted to be his friend. I had begun to turn my back on the identity I'd created.

I stared past him to the blank wall, unwilling to meet his gaze. I knew he was watching me, trying to fit my explination into what he already knew.

"I never thought it would end like this," he murmured, eyes downcast. "I never really thought I would win, thought I'd hoped for it. Now that I'm certian you're Kira, I don't want this anymore. It's a hollow victory."

My heart leaped. If he hated the idea so much, he might let me out. "What if I wasn't Kira anymore? Would you let me out for that?"

He just stared at me. "I cannot be sure that you aren't Kira, Raito-kun. I've dealt with enough murderes to know that they never really change. They try and talk their way out of their punishments. You're no different."

"But I am different! I'd willingly take back everything just to work with you again, honestly this time. But I can't. I can't change the past no matter how many times I wish I could."

"Lies..."

"What reason would I have to lie now?"

"Like I said before, criminals try and get out of punishment. _Yours_ will be more severe than most of them, Kira." He glared at me, at the enemy he'd hunted ruthlessly for so long. "You have been sentenced to die in three weeks. Then we'll see how godly you really are."

"R-Ryuzaki." My voice shook with fear, no matter how hard I tried to hide it. In truth, I was (and still am) afraid to die, even though I had sentenced so many to that fate over the last four years. "Please. Please don't let them kill me."

He stared back at me, his eyes filled with anger and possible a tinge of pity. "I can't," he said simply, turning away.

I fell against the wall, horrified. No way. He was leaving me here, letting me die. "What do you mean, you can't?" My fear was slowly turning to rage though I didn't want it to. "You're L! Every police force in the world is under you. What's stopping you?"

His hands clenched into fists, and he drew in a shuddering gasp. "You are Kira." Even through his matter-of-fact tone, I could hear how hard it must have been for him to say that. "You killed all those people. I can't bring myself to justify letting you go. I am sorry, Raito-kun. I truely am."

The harsh tone of my voice dissolved. I just couldn't manage to stay angry at him, not after it was hurting him so much to even be here. "Are you sure there's nothing you can do..?"

He nodded. "The ICPO has unanimously agreed that you are too dangerous to keep alive. I can't go against their decision, no matter how much I want to. Not now anyway."

Not now? "Then, you'll try?"

Ryuzaki glanced back at me, then walked toward the door. "If there's anything I can do, even if it's just prolonging your jail time, I will. I promise." With a muttered word to one of the guards, he left.


	5. Chapter 4: Loss

I've been alone for neary nine hours now, and thoughts of regret refuse to leave me be. I tried avoiding thinking altogether, but it's the nature of prison to force someone to ponder what they could have done differently.

I see the faces of those I killed every time I close my eyes. It's almost like they're getting their revenge on my by bothering me almost constanty. Something tells me I won't be able to sleep until the time I won't wake up again because of their faces.

I punished murderers with murder, a but redundant when I think about it. I just wish they would leave, but they won't. They satnd as constant reminders of not only how my life will end, but the fact that I have nothing to look forward to.

At least they had Hell.

I've got nothing thanks to the notebook. I guess it's nothing more than I deserve after what I've done.

I lied to my family and myself. I used my father's connections to the police to search out my victims. I perposfully misled the investigation. I-

I betrayed my best friend in the world.

Yes, I considered L my friend. The time I spent working with him is probably the only thing I wouldn't change about the last four years of my life. Then I went and ruined everything for my own selfish reasons.

And yet... he apologized to me... Why? I guess I'll never really understand him.

Still... it's impossible to say that Kira didn't do any good in the world. I helped so many people finally find some form of closure that the government wouldn't give them. they rejoiced then the one who killed their loved one was finally punished for what he'd done. I became a god in the hearts and minds of the public.

No... I can't allow myself to think like that. I'll only drive myself insane if I keep this up.

It's strange. I was beginning to regret my decision to get caught, but I'm starting to see the benifits of it. I wouldn't be writing this for one thing. I never would have realized how wrong it was for me to have become Kira in the first place. I probably never would have told L the truth.

I would have more than three weeks left to live, but I'm starting to not care about that.

It's almost like a weight was lifted off my chest the moment I started this. It's almost like I need this to keep myself alive. Strange...

I wonder how L's doing. Is he thinking about what I said? Of a way to get me out of here? I hope he knows all of what I've written here. Not that I'm trying to send him on a guilt trip or anything, but, if I was still Kira, I wouldn't have let myself write all this. His pride isn't nearly as easily broken as mine.

Maybe I'm not him anymore. Maybe the fact that I'm in prison like the criminals I killed actually killed Kira. Who knows? Maybe Kira was his own last victim.

Wouldn't that be ironic?

Well, look at that. I've managed to cheer myself up in this deary place. The guy in the next cell over doesn't seem to appreciate my mood though. He keeps pounding on the wall. I can only assume that he doesn't know who I was or he'd be too frightened to attempt to break down the only thing seperating him from the one who had the power to kill him.

I really hope L finds this, even if I die. It's probably the closest thing to a record of the real Kira's death that he's ever going to get.

Well, the original Kira. Mikami's still out there, stupid man that he is.


	6. Epilogue: Finale

Raito finally sat up straight, his back stiff from staying bent so low and protesting at having to move again, and examined his handiwork. Seventeen pages. He was amazed he'd even gotten that far with such a depressing story. It helped that it was his own, but still... the number seemed slightly rediculious at the moment. The last part was a bit off compared to the rest of what he'd written, but he wasn't about to change it now. Maybe he was going crazy after all.

With a strangly contented sigh, he leaned back against the cold wall of his cell. He could only imagine how good it would feel to finally lay down and go to sleep with that weight off his chest. Unfortunatly, the possibility of actually sleeping on that stupid floor was basically nonexistant. There probably wouldn't even be a point in trying, but he chose to ignore that. It couldn't possibly hurt to try.

Wrong... Somehow...

His pained spine recieved only a few moments rest before the ill-oiled cell door swung open. Raito simply figured the guards had seen him finish writing and had returned to cuff him again. There really wasn't a point to the restraints; it wasn't like he could go anywhere at the moment. He let his eyes close, determined to ignore them for as long as possible.

There was a shuffeling sound uncharacteristic of booted feet. There was something strangly familiar about it... No, he must be hearing things. There was no reason for him to have returned, was there? Nothing had changed much in the last eight hours except the amout of paper that was covered with his writing. Surely _he_ wouldn't be so interested as to visit again for something as simple as that.

The footsteps stopped right beside him, but Raito payed them no mind. If it was important, they'd bother him.

A rusteling of fabric on fabric. What were they doing, making themselves at home? If it was just the guards, they had a lot of nerve, messing with him like that. They knew who he was, what he was capable of. They wouldn't be stupid enough to play this kind of game after what they'd been told. Oh, well. Best to just ignore the moron and get on with the waiting.

The apparently-not-so-brilliant stranger just sat there for a while, shifting on occasion, never saying anything. His behavior grated on Raito's nerves, and, no matter how much he tried to ignore it, he found himself becoming increasingly annoyed at his silent visitor.

Finally, he sat up, irritation showing through in his expression. He was ready to throw some snap at the guy when he saw the stranger's face clearly. He simply stared, mouth half open, comment stuck in his throat.

"You really shouldn't do that, Raito-kun. It's very unbecoming."

"I... You..," Raito sputtered for a moment before landing on what he really wanted to say. "What are you doing here, Ryuzaki?"

The detective pouted childishly. "That's not very nice, Raito-kun. If that's how you treat a visitor, I might as well just leave."

Raito's expression softened into a slight smile. It was so like L to take everything so seriously. "You know I didn't mean that." He propped himself up on the palms of his hands, staring at the curious man he'd once called a friend. How he missed those days... "But, honestly, why _are_ you here? I didn't expect you to come here once in the first day, let alone twice. Most people call that obsessive."

"It's nothing like that." Ryuzaki seemed quite relucatant to explain. It was almost like it was a subject he'd rather avoid at all costs, even if it was the reason for his spontanious visit. One finger traced a circle on the floor as he spoke. "I've been thinking about what you said earlier. When you said you'd do anything to escape the fate you'd been handed..." His voice trailed off like he didn't want to continue. "Raito-kun, I don't want to see you here."

The statement came as a shock to Raito. "Y-You don't... want me to be here?" he asked, unable to believe it. There was no logic behind that, no matter the reason. He, Raito, was Kira, the criminal that L had been so centered on trying to capture. Why would L want him out now?

L nodded slighty. "Unfortunatly, I can't figure out whether I heard Kira trying to talk his way out of his punishment or Raito-kun trying not to get killed over this ordeal. In a sense, it's the same thing, but... I honestly don't know what to do." He glanced over at Raito, who was about to say something. "Just remember that I won't be able to trust anything you say on the matter for the same reason."

Raito frowned. "You think I lied about all of that? All of this?" He gestured toward the haphazard pile of papers and shook his head. "I don't have a reason to lie anymore."

"That doesn't prove that you're not. You really aren't helping yourself, Raito-kun..."

"Then how _can_ I? We don't seem to be getting anywhere."

"Oh, we are." Ryuzaki grinned at him. "You see, by just sitting there, you're telling me you're either honest or smart. Or unobservant, but that's beside the point." He pointed toward the door when Raito gave him a confused glance. It stood open, and the guards were nowhere to be seen. "I'm choosing to lean toward honest. I'd rather not let Kira got, but... like I said before, I don't like the idea of leaving you here." He leaned back, allowing his head to rest on the wall.

A pang of guilt ran through Raito's mind. Why? Why did everything that went wrong have to have to be his fault? He hadn't intended to make Ryuzaki second guess himelf; he just didn't want to die.

The detective spoke again, cutting off his train of thought. "Believe me, Raito-kun, there's nothing I'd like more than to let you out of here. If there was some way to make sure you don't become Kira again, I would have you released immidiatly."

"You could have me under constant surveilance like last time," Raito offered, his demeanor now hopeful.

Ryuzaki rolled his eyes. "That didn't seem to work very well last time." He moved to stand again, gaze trained on Raito's face. "And I never said I wasn't going to let you out. I was just trying to talk myself into it." He stuffed on hand into the pocket of his jeans and extended the other to Raito, who stared at it, somewhat amazed.

"You mean I'm getting out? No arguments or compromises?"

Ryuzaki smiled. "No, we already had our little fight earlier. Remember?" He sighed as Raito continued to hesitate. "Oh, come on. Would I lie to you..? Wait, don't answer that."

Raito laughed, the first honest laugh he'd had in a while. It was easier than he remembered.


End file.
